When kids are struggling like getting bad grades, many parents feel the urge to take away something their child enjoys like sports or hobbies. But doing that usually doesn’t help. In fact, it can turn things to worse.
Common Parenting Mistake
One mother, for example, was worried about her 15-year-old son. He loves being on the wrestling team and wakes up early to train. But he’s not keeping up with schoolwork. Her first thought was to take him off the team until his grades improve.
This reaction is understandable because this kind of story we heard many times before. But research and experience tell us something important, punishing kids by removing what they care about doesn’t help them do better. Instead, we should build on their strengths.
Focus on Strengths, Not Weaknesses
In present days many parents worry a lot about their child’s problems like bad grades or bad habits. They try to fix these problems first.
But studies show kids do better when we help them use what they are good at.
Every child has things they are good at. It’s called “Islands of Competence.”
Parents and teachers should find these talents and help them grow. This way of helping is called strength-based parenting. It helps kids feel less stressed, more confident and want to try harder.
Strengths Build Confidence
When kids feel good at something whether it can art, sports, helping others or even working a weekend job. It gives them a sense of purpose. That confidence spreads to other parts of life like school or making bond with others.
It has been seen, kids do well in school even when they’re busy with theater and shy kids become more outgoing during sports. When kids feel good about one thing, they try harder in other things too.
Parents Should Do
Here are five simple ways parents can help their kids grow through their strengths:
1. Find their “Island”
Look for what your child enjoys or is naturally good at. Try to know them, what makes them feel excited and confident. Even if it’s something like playing video games or watching YouTube. There could be skills hiding there like editing, storytelling or learning strategies.
2. Point it out
Sometimes kids don’t even realize they have a talent. Telling your child what you see in them like being patient with others or writing well can help them believe in themselves.
3. Build it up
Help your child improve in the area they’re strong in. That might mean signing them up for a class, letting them join a team or just giving them time and space to practice on their own. But don’t force it . Just support them, don’t create any pressure on them.
4. Use strengths to tackle struggles
When your child hits a wall, remind them of what they can do.
For example, a child who’s great at speaking but struggles with writing might try talking out their ideas first. Strengths can help to make tough tasks more manageable.
5. Tell a positive story
How we talk about our kids matters.
Avoid negative labels like “He’s not organized” or “She’s not a math person.”
Instead, highlight what they do well. Real praise, when honest and specific, builds a positive identity.
Raising children isn’t about fixing all their flaws. It’s about helping them see and grow the good that’s already inside them. When we focus on their “Islands of Competence,” we give them the confidence to face challenges and we ease some of our own worries too.
